My words don't define me. It's what I do that does
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tired of it…..

I am a Resident Assistant at the UTB Dorms.  Otherwise known as the Village at Fort Brown…..and I’m tired of this job.

It’s a good job, but it is so time consuming; especially since I”m practice teaching right now at schools which is the same as having a full time job.  So…not only do I go to school all day…I come home twice a week to work at the dorms.  On top of that, I’m supposed to have hall meetings, a study session for other RAs (which i think is stupid because we should not have to baby adults into studying), go to meetings for Lead RAs of which I am one, and i’m highly advised to go to activities on campus (even though i’m not here half the time).  Plus, whenever we’re on call holding a phone…we are to tend to everyone’s needs such as someone being locked out, or someone’s key deprogramming, and when we’re on desk, we’re scheduled to be here 7pm - 3am.

I understand all the logic behind a lot of the stuff the RAs are asked to do here, but I often ask, why do we do all of this?  I understand that residents need something to do to keep themselves sane…but we’re each asked to do one program a month for the residents (such as an activity, or game, or presentation).  I ask myself, why do we need so many activities…there are 15 RAs for goodness sakes…I thought 1 a week would be a good….and to make it a good one….but 15 activities a month? holy crap.

On top of being an RA I’m also a Lead RA.  Which means that on a certain week I am on backup and I can’t go further than 10 minutes away from the dorms.  The thing I hate is that i have to go to an extra meeting….that’s pointless…because all the info in  these meetings can be sent via email…why waste time?  Then…i have to be at a stupid study session.  Ugh.

I’m at the front desk right now. Working. Till 3 am.  I have to go to Vela Middle School at 7:30…which means i need to get up by no later than 6:45. You do the math.  This sucks.

This job wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have a life and other things to do.  Even then…I’m growing weary of it.  I’m burned out.

this is how I feel…..

For a long time now, I have been in love.  Her name is Genesis Blanco.  She is my best friend.  She is my perfect example of perseverance and enduring to the end.  She is my equal and more.  She loves me and I love her.

For a long time…we’ve been on and off.  We are scared about a few things, but we have the confidence in ourselves and God that things will work out.  We feel that we were meant to be.  I am in love with her and she is in love with me.

Gen has taught me so much about who I am and how I’m supposed to be.  I have had my errors with her in the past, but she has forgiven me each time…and for that I am ever grateful.  I trust her with everything about me. We share everything together…even She is currently the most important person in my life right below my family.  She would tell you that she’s more important than them even…but of course she’d be kidding. Haha :)

I feel as if I’ve known her since I was a child.  It’s like everything about her is familiar to me even though we’ve only known each other a year or so.  In my faith, I believe that we all met certain people in our pre-existence before life on this earth, you know…when we lived with God.  I told her that I believe her and I met at that time and that we both promised one another that we would meet each other here on earth and that we would be together through thick and thin, night and day, rough and smooth.  

So in a sense…I’ve known you since before we were born, Gen. :) <3

I love you, Genesis Blanco.

love keeps us kind by Linkin Park

When you feel you’re alone
Cut off from this cruel world
Your instincts telling you to run
Listen to your heart
Those angel voices
They’ll sing to you there’ll be a guide back home

When life leaves us blind
Love keeps us kind
It keeps us kind

When you’ve suffered enough
And your spirit is breaking
Your growing desperate from the fight

Remember you’re loved
And you always will be
This melody will bring will bring you right back home

When life leaves us blind
Love keeps us kind
When Life leaves us blind
Love keeps us kind
Wow.

this evening…..

This evening I went out to eat with Gen and David. :) We had a good time eating and all that, watching Gen get chocolate all over her face and then have David wipe it off her like a little child. haha. That was too funny.

Then on the way back we had an interesting conversation about the tough things of life.  I told David about some stuff the Gen and I (mostly Gen) went through this past semester.  Then he asked me, “So Roy, what kind of stressful crap did you go through your freshman year?” I told him that i didn’t go through the stuff they’re going through.  I told them, I went through stuff with my family.  Mostly, my dad almost dying.  Then I told him about my dad.

My dad is a Cirrhosis survivor.  Cirrhosis is a disease that affects the liver.  It slowly destroys the liver.  It eats away at it until there’s nothing left.  My dad needed a liver transplant.  Later (nine years of waiting) he got his liver transplant, shortly after I left on a mission for my Church.  One year later, my dad underwent heart surgery to repair a heart valve.  Then last December, he received a kidney transplant.  I was the donor.

I told David about how I felt like the Savior to some degree.  Giving a part of myself like that.  Then I thought about my dad and all the things the doctors said about him and his surgeries.  ”Your dad’s body is resilient” “Your dad is a walking miracle of modern science.” I wanted to weep thinking about how Blessed (not lucky) i am to have my dad in my life.  I love him with all of my heart. I love him. :)

This is a pic of my dad ringing the bell at the hospital.  This bell is to be rung by those who receive a successful transplant and leave. :)

….

Today was my last day at Castaneda Elementary.  I got observed by Mrs. Trenfield and she told me how impressed she was with me.  She told me that I have a natural rapport or “likability” with kids.  She says she sees me connect with them quickly and that she would highly recommend me to any elementary music teaching position that I would apply to.  She told me all I needed to do was make sure that I’m always on time and that I am always professional in my appearance (i.e. make your lesson plans! haha).

I’m going to miss those kids.  A lot. :( I love teaching music. A lot :)

airemariposa:

I’m gonna die. :(

airemariposa:

I’m gonna die. :(

this is what 5th graders think opera singers look like haha

this is what 5th graders think opera singers look like haha

annoying….

Today i was told by my roommate about someone who decided to run to our housing director to fix a conflict between them and another RA.  Instead of trying to fix the problem face to face, she cried to “dad” and made someone look bad.  Perhaps I’m a hypocrite for saying this…but grow up damn it.  Her attitude was like the third graders I teach at school: “Sir…he’s telling me stuff!” :(. Freakin’ child.  Grow up.  Get over it.

amazing.

amazing.

"Will you miss them?"

Six weeks ago, I was assigned to Castaneda Elementary in Brownsville to teach music to kids.  I didn’t know what it was going to be like.  At first it was a bit akward; moving about, doing funny little body movements to help the kids keep the beat, playing xylophones and glockenspiels, hearing them say funny stuff like…”how do you know all this??!” as if we were some super geniuses.  haha.  Then…i realized something tonight when my bff Gen asked me, “So are you going to miss the kids?”  All I said was yes…and then i started talking about my next assignment at a middle schools.  But now that I thought about it…yes…I’m REALLY going to  miss those kids at Castaneda.  I’ve only been there like 5 1/2 weeks but i feel like i’ve been with them an entire school year.  They all know me by name…even though i don’t know all of theirs.  They all say hi to me in the hall way with a smile…and they mean it. :) They are sometimes rowdy (mainly because i’m still working on my classroom management skills) and a bit out of hand, but they are so much fun.  I remember Dyandra Edwards telling me how when i was absent one day they all asked where I was like I was never going to come back ever again.  That made me feel very, very special.  

There’s also the tough classes. One class has four boys that are tough to deal with…they’re rude, they talk a lot, they don’t follow directions…but i’ll miss them as well.  Then there’s a little boy Beto that i would chase around class.  We’re all sure he is a special needs child but he isn’t through being tested yet.  

There’s also the special education classes I went to.  They were such special people.  i learned a lot about love from those kids.  They love what they do and they love their teachers and trust them completely.  Which makes me think about how special those teachers are.  I don’t know how they’re able to go day to day the way they do.  But I admire them, and I wish everyday to be more patient like they are.  

Mrs. Cantu (my mentor teacher) has been an amazing mentor.  She is straightforward with me.  She loves the kids and you can see.  She is a master teacher.  She loves what she does….even on the rough days.  She has taught me to keep it simple with elementary and to have fun with the kids.  

All in all…if I applied to a district as a music teacher and they told me that the only opening they had was as an elementary teacher, I wouldn’t hesitate to make it a strong option for me.  I had fun.  I could see myself doing that.  I will miss you Castaneda Elementary.  :( & :)